Here’s a question worth sitting with: When your team walks into a meeting with you, are they thinking about the best idea they can contribute, or are they thinking about how not to get embarrassed?
I mentioned here last week that the retreat I hosted was radically successful primarily because the attendees were so open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. Their connections with, and support of each other was palpable from the moment we got started. I’m good at a few things, but I don’t take credit for that.
What I can take credit for is creating a container where people feel safe operating as their true, authentic selves. And if you’re a leader, pay attention, because if you want your team at their best, what you really want is them showing up as their true and authentic selves.
I know this “bring your whole self to work” thing can get a little out of hand. I’m not asking people to parade everything about themselves they feel they’ve kept hidden in the workplace. What I am advocating for is creating environments where colleagues feel safe, comfortable, and encouraged to try on new ideas or ways of working. If you want innovation or even just iterative improvement, employees must know they can play their part without being criticized publicly.
Most leaders I work with don’t think they create fear. They think they’re being direct, or holding people accountable, or maintaining standards. And maybe they are. But if your team has learned to stay quiet in meetings, you’ve trained them to do that. Whether you meant to or not.
Nothing stymies communication, creativity, innovation, or employee well-being quite like a senior leader who criticizes, judges, and shuts down ideas in a public forum. This trains everyone in your company to NOT speak up in meetings. To NOT suggest new ideas or ways of doing things. To NOT share their findings about ways your company could serve more customers and make more money. It is the most counterproductive behavior a leader can express.
We’ve all had an asshole boss at some point in our lives. Organizational psychologist and Stanford professor Bob Sutton calls these bossholes. And many of us have done the math of what makes it worth sticking around in a job where your leader constantly creates an environment that feels unsafe to share and do the job you feel like you were hired to do.
But here’s what I believe: bossholes don’t wake up in the morning thinking “I can’t wait to be a total jerk to my employees today and handicap the performance of our company!” My armchair psychologist guess is that these leaders themselves are scared. They are scared of underperforming or being seen as a failure in the eyes of their board, their peers, or even shareholders. Fear makes people act in ways that don’t make any sense to the rest of us.
So if you have a sneaking suspicion that you’ve been acting like a bosshole—or even just creating more fear than you realized—I have some suggestions. They will require you to have a high EQ, but as a founder or CEO you already know you’re capable of doing hard things.
- Own it. Admit that your approach has been counter-productive and commit to changing your behavior in the hopes of creating a psychologically safe space where employees can do their best work. This might mean addressing it in a team meeting or in one-on-ones, depending on the situation. The specifics matter less than the sincerity.
- Ask for help. If you’re not particularly self-aware, find someone you trust to call you out on bad behavior. Not in public, but in private. Then actually listen to them. Give them permission to be honest, and don’t punish them when they are.
- When you act out and take a step backwards, own it and make amends. There is nothing that earns respect in the workplace like someone who has the courage to admit they were wrong and apologize. This isn’t weakness—it’s modeling the vulnerability you’re asking your team for.
That’s it. Three simple, but not easy steps for transforming your organization from a culture of fear and poor collaboration to one of generative thinking, a bias to action, and increased employee job satisfaction and retention.