One of the most troublesome defects of character I have is judgment.
Both judgment of others AND judgment of myself.
It is wholly useless in the way it manifests for me 99% of the time. When I judge others or myself, I severely limit my productivity, creativity, and sense of compassion or empathy for others.
Judgment creates disconnection between me and my fellows as well as give rise to a hostile work environment inside my own mind!
The idea that we can be good judges of character can be useful when making a new hire, going on a first date, or finding a new mechanic.
But the judgment I’m referring to is the snap judgement I tend to make of others based on what they’re wearing, driving, listening to, saying, etc.
I’m embarrassed to admit that my default snap judgment of most people is typically negative. In the recovery world, we call this contempt prior to investigation.
Usually, I become aware of the judgment I’ve made, realize the fallacy of it, then let it go and form a more accurate assessment of someone after I’ve actually met them.
And the same can be true about self-judgment. Maybe I say or do something unwise and my default setting is to harshly judge myself. “That was stupid.” or “Really, you’re still doing that after all these years?” or “When are you ever gonna learn?”
These types of judgments of others and myself are my ego’s defense systems and keep me in a false sense of superiority if/when I feel threatened.
But I’m not in junior high anymore. There is little need for my constant evaluation of others and derogatory self-talk. This only ever hurts, and never helps me get where I’m trying to go in life.
Giving others a fair chance before I make critical judgments of them makes for WAY better relationships.
And a little kindness and compassion for myself when I show up less than ideal makes life inside my head much more pleasant.
A mindfulness practice cultivates the kind of awareness we can use to spot judgment before it goes too far and we act on it by saying something mean to ourselves or others.
The more we sit in meditation, the more tuned in we will be to these thoughts and when we become aware of them, we can pause, recognize them for what they are, and return to a more calm, cool mind where we aren’t judging others to make ourselves feel better.