Confrontation is always ok as long as it’s based on principle, not emotion.

“The issue isn’t so much what we should do or say, but how we do it. If we are acting out of fear, anger, or aversion our response will be poisoned by those attitudes. The challenge is to act out of wisdom, compassion, and kindness.” -Kevin Griffin (Buddhism & the Twelve Steps)

Confrontation is a regular and natural part of our lives, yet many of us would prefer to avoid it if we could. The downside of avoiding confrontation is that we don’t resolve conflicts with others AND we don’t improve our confrontation skills.

Last week a client called to check in about a confrontation she needed to have with one of her clients. My client is in no way fearful of confrontation, but she was aware enough to know that she needed a sounding board to make sure she was on even footing, so she called me, gave me some context, and then told me what she planned on telling her client. I made a minor suggestion, she took it, and moved on.

Having a sounding board in your life to help sanity check your response or reaction to someone else is an invaluable tool! I’ve had lots of people read email drafts before I sent them to make sure that I’m coming from a place of principle and not emotion, and it has saved my bacon more than once!

If you don’t have that person in your life, find them. Next time you’re feeling jammed up about a response or an upcoming conversation, just ask a friend “Hey, can I run something by you?”. They will almost certainly be honored that you trusted them with something so important, and you get the benefit of someone letting you know if you’re off the beam (so to speak).

Wisdom is rarely individual and almost always collective.