This year I’m passing on my favorite piece of battle tested advice I’ve ever been given.
Let me provide a little context first: For those of us in recovery, the first few holiday seasons as a sober person can be pretty gnarly. There are more parties and dinners and friends back in town and EVERYONE seems to have a drink their hand.
As a matter of fact, the biggest drinking night of the year (in the US) is the night before Thanksgiving, also known as Blackout Wednesday or Drinksgiving. It was often my favorite night at the bar! A chance to see friends who’d gone off to college or moved away.
So anyway, everybody’s having a cocktail or drinking beers while watching football and as a newly sober person, temptation can be a bitch. When I got sober I avoided alcohol most of the time. I didn’t go to bars, I laid off going to live shows for a while, and naturally I stopped hanging around people who drank all the time. It just wasn’t worth potentially picking up a drink again.
Even if you have a supportive family, the holidays can still be tough and there are tons of tips and trick for surviving the holidays without relapsing, but that’s not what this is about.
My favorite tip for drinkers and teetotalers alike is to wash the dishes after lunch!
That’s right, eat your yummy lunch, and when the time feels right, excuse yourself from the table for a wonderful 30 min break from whatever conversation is going on. This is an amazing time to take a few breaths, forgive your in-laws for saying stupid shit, be grateful for your parents or significant other who prepared this and many other lovely meals. And maybe more importantly, it’s an opportunity to be of service.
Now, I’m sure there are lots of excuses why you don’t feel like you can do this and there is only one that I’ll accept. That is if you’ve been working your ass off in the kitchen all morning. Every other excuse is garbage.
It’s not my house. So what! Go be of service to someone else for having you over.
My goody two shoes little brother beat me to it. So what! Get a towel and start drying.
The football game’s on. You suck. You need to wash the dishes more than anyone.
It’s Thanksgiving, I’m supposed to relax and take a nap now. See above. You suck.
Want to avoid a particularly thorny political conversation? Go wash the dishes.
Want to get away from your airbag of a cousin? Go wash the dishes.
If you struggle with alcoholism (or maybe an eating disorder), big meals like this might just feel like too much. So take a break, and go wash the dishes. No one will think you’re weird. As a matter of fact, everyone will likely go on and on about how thoughtful you are.
Over the past 20+ years, I’ve done a lot of dishes at family gatherings and I’m always grateful for the little reprieve and it genuinely feels good to be of service to my family whom I love very much.
So if it feels a little tense at the table this year (for any reason) get up and clean up.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!
Big Love,
Parker