How to be a better spouse.
Years ago, I traveled about 50% of the time for work. This wasn’t a big deal as I enjoyed travel and certainly fell into that classic consultant treadmill of airport, plane, hotel, work, repeat.
I paid attention to airline miles and hotel points. I considered them part of my overall portfolio of things to collect in life. These little perks helped numb the pain of being on the road so much. Made me feel like I was getting something for missing out on relationships and being a part of my community at home.
The problem was that my marriage was being affected in not-so-great ways. When I got home from a work trip, I still needed to go to 12-step meetings, catch up on workouts I’d missed, see friends and family, get outside and go climbing, or spend all day riding the bike. All the stuff I didn’t get to do while being on the road.
But then there was my wife. I missed her and wanted to spend time with her as well. But if I’m only home for a few days before the next trip, I would have to bust my ass trying to fit in all these things, booking my calendar out to the max, and getting stressed constantly.
For the most part, I was able to slide in workouts and see my buddies. I’d make enough meetings to feel like I was participating in my recovery.
But my marriage is where things felt off. I could budget time with my wife, but since I was packing my calendar to the gills, I wasn’t often truly present during that time.
When explaining this to my (then) coach, she told me something I haven’t forgotten since.
“Your wife doesn’t care about getting 100% of your time. Your wife cares about getting you 100% in the time you have.”
🤯
It had never occurred to me before. My wife just wanted me to be as present as I possibly could be when we were together. She didn’t want ALL my time. But when we were together, she wanted me there.
Quality over Quantity.
I don’t travel like I used and for that I’m grateful. But I still make it a practice (No, I’m not perfect) to be as present as possible when we are together, and it’s made all the difference in the world!
