This morning, I nailed my 'ideal morning'—meditation, journaling, coffee, a dog walk, and a gym visit—but guess what? I still feel stressed AF.
I woke up at 6:00, meditated for 1/2 an hour, read and journaled for ~30 minutes while I drank my coffee. Grabbed a leash and walked my dog Josie around the neighborhood before heading to the gym to lift. Sounds like a pretty rad schedule, right?
The answer is yes, it’s a rad schedule. But honestly, I’m not all blissed out and relaxed today. I do not feel peaceful. The reality is that I feel physical pressure around my head and upper chest. My mind is buzzing more than normal - thinking about all the things I need to get done today, this week, this month, this year!
I feel overwhelmed.
Then, after I get home from the gym and I’m in the kitchen making my post-workout smoothie, my wife asks for a lunch date at our favorite sushi place—something I'd usually love—but today, it landed like one more task in an overflowing calendar. A vein in my head nearly popped.
I’m genuinely fortunate to be living life exactly as I designed it and I am super sure 10 years-ago-Parker would be jealous of this life - but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still stressed out sometimes. I still take on too much and get too busy. Yes, yes, yes, I still suffer mentally and emotionally.
I’ll admit that most of my tension stems from me adding more to my plate than I want to handle. I have these moments in my life where I want to do EVERYTHING all at once. I have been known to experience these surges of creative energy, so in addition to working with a full load of clients, I also get the bright idea to write, design, and release an ebook. Then, I want to launch a monthly coaching call for CEO’s and founders. All this while writing weekly emails, chasing an agent for one manuscript, and diving into the thrill of starting a new novel.
That doesn’t even include everyday activities like riding my bike, recovery work with sponsees, or keeping up with 2-3 hockey games per week (Go Preds). And, maybe most importantly, there’s my wife, who just wants to grab sushi with me.
To many folks, I live an ideal life. I get to choose what I want to work on and who I want to work with. I don’t usually work full-time hours. My schedule is mine for the taking. I have more autonomy and freedom than I’ve ever had in my life, and I want you to know that even though I’ve achieved all that, I still get freaked out sometimes. I still get angry, selfish, childish—still deeply human.
I meditate a lot. I workout a lot. I seek the wisdom of others on a regular basis and I still experience very human emotions and problems.
What I’m saying is that there is no immunity from humanity. There is no amount of doing “the work” that will grant us a perfect release from the woes of being a human being living on planet earth.
It gets better with the work. I experience less negative emotions than I used to. I get hijacked less often by my feelings than I used to. I can often spot tough emotions sooner than I used to and therefore, I cause less harm to others than before.
So it’s better this way. The juice is 100% worth the squeeze, but on days like today when I realize I’m way too stressed, I can respond better than ever. I can tell my wife I need a minute to think about lunch. I can sit and breathe and maybe call my sponsor or a friend and let them know that I feel like I’m doing it wrong. Like, because I’m experiencing stress, I must not be meditating right or maybe I need to start cold plunging or sitting in a sauna or some shit. I’m always searching for that one lever I can pull that will shield me from ever having a bad day.
“Right now, it’s like this.” -Ajahn Sumedho
So if you’re like me, engaged in actions and practices in the hopes of improving your life and how you show up for others, you may find that sometimes you feel like shit and you don’t understand why. You may feel like you’ve done everything perfect and it’s not cool that you’re still experiencing these unwanted emotions. I get it. I’m with you. But we weren’t promised immunity. If we were promised anything at all, I think it was just patient improvement.
Today, I remember that some days are just gonna suck no matter how good I am at taking care of myself. I need to remember that this too shall pass and tomorrow will be different. It may not be better, but it will definitely be different.
Stress is in my life by design. It’s the proverbial canary in the coalmine alerting me of the danger ahead. It’s doing something for me and my growth that I couldn’t get anywhere else. Stress by design means this overwhelm pushed me to recognize my limits and prioritize clearly: it forced me back into humility, back into asking for help, and back into gratitude for the wonderful life I have today.
You made it to the end. I genuinely hope you found this helpful or supportive in some way.