Google the term “mental health” and you’ll find thousands of definitions.
One pattern is clear, though: it’s the ability to deal with life on life’s terms. To see through the illusion sold to us by the marketing industrial complex, and still be mostly OK.
You know that we’re all going to die. You know that everything is impermanent and nothing will last. You know there’s no getting to the perfect place in life and putting it on cruise control. You know all these things — and you’re still OK. That seems to be the common theme that defines mental health.
The question then is: how do we achieve it?
There appears to be a lot more money to be made in the physical health space — gym memberships, personal trainers, supplements, procedures, injections, etc.
But when we look at mental health, most of the vehicles that support emotional and psychological well-being are mostly free: meditation, walks in nature, prayer, connection with other humans, work that’s worthy of our time.
Yes, there are antidepressants to take and therapists to pay. There are fancy meditation retreats and religious tithings. Maybe even a high-end vacation counts as a tool for mental health. But we don’t tend to consume these at the same pace we consume protein, creatine, testosterone, and the like.
Learning to be satisfied with the reality of life is the work of being human. And in my experience, it’s a lot of work — at least for me, anyway.
I probably see all the same marketing and advertising crap you do — telling me that in order to be OK, to be accepted and loved and revered, I ought to be beautiful, skinny, muscular, have all my hair (in all the right places and none in the wrong places), hyper-rich, forever young — and that all of these things should look like they come easily. That it’s not much of a lift.
But let me tell ya, it’s a heavy lift, alright. For two reasons that I’m aware of:
One: All of those things take an inordinate amount of time to maintain. And they all diminish the minute you take your foot off the gas.
Two: They don’t deliver on the promise of making you feel good. And they damn sure don’t allow you to feel OK with the realities of life listed above. Being shredded and having a fat bank account does fuck-all for you when your best friend dies or you get diagnosed with cancer.
The crazy thing is, most of us intellectually understand this. We know those superficial achievements won’t bring peace or fulfillment, yet we strive for them anyway.
Not only do we strive for them, we’ll hustle to look good instead of practicing ways of being OK. Given the choice to be skinny or have a zen-like mind, most people will take skinny all day long.
I fall for it all the time. I’ll get some targeted ad, and it literally makes me a little giddy to think I might feel like the model in the ad looks — all I need to do is work out 13 times a week and make nothing but clean food choices. Eating three fistfuls of peanut M&M’s never even occurs to me, right?
Here’s where I notice it in myself — and in most of the clients I work with:
When I’m tired, anxious, lonely, or scared, I skip the meditation, the gym, the salad. Those things just stop appealing to me in those moments.
What does appeal to me when I feel tired, anxious, lonely, or scared (all very human and normal emotions, btw) is sugar, Instagram, Netflix, etc. And the combo of eating all the M&M’s ever made while scrolling through the Millionaire Lifestyle Page or reading an interview with Brad or Gwyneth — who assure us that being beautiful is terribly easy and we just need to relax — yeah. That’s a hell of a combo.
Obviously I’m going to be tempted to buy whatever those people are selling. In that moment, I don’t feel great. And they look like they feel great. I want that! I want to stop feeling less than. I want to stop feeling these normal human emotions and I want to look and feel awesome. All the time. Forever.
But as my dharma teacher says, “That’s not on offer here.”
That’s not reality. As a matter of fact, that is a mental illness.
I have no clean, quick solution for you here. And if I did, I hope you’d be skeptical of it. What I can remind you of is that life will certainly be hard sometimes. It can be incredibly dissatisfying. And we all have to find our way to some sense of mental health by doing the work — whether that’s taking care of our bodies in a reasonable way, trying to eat in a reasonably healthy manner, sitting in meditation reasonably often, going to church, or seeing a therapist.
Your methods will vary over the years, as they should. All I might suggest is that you stay as consistent as possible with these practices. If you’re like me, you’ll go through phases of obstinate laziness — and that’s OK. You’ll eventually get tired of that feeling and come back to your practice. And this will continue over and over until the day we die.
I’m not sure if this piece feels like good news or bad news. Sorry if you were looking for something more uplifting. But personally, I’ve found much relief and peace in looking at the reality of life straight on — without being deluded by what I want life to be, or what marketers and advertisers want to sell me.
Normally this is where I’d suggest you upgrade to a paid subscription or buy our course on entrepreneurship (thus setting you free from corporate slavery), or maybe apply to work with me as a coach…
…but today, I’ll just suggest you take your dog — or your kids — out for a walk in the woods. Notice nature. Like really pay attention to it.
There’s much to learn there.