If your job makes you stressed, scared, angry, or apathetic, this is for you.
We spend one-third of our lives at work. For most folks, that means trading your time for money. And if we didn’t need the money, we’d likely spend our time in other ways.
This isn’t true for everyone, but we’ve all been in jobs that made us unhappy at one point or another.
Now, if you find that you are usually (more than half the time) stressed, scared, exhausted, or angry, then you should really consider doing something about it. Especially if you’ve felt this way for some time.
Remember, this is how you’re spending a 3rd of your life. Another 3rd is spent sleeping, so that means you really only have one-third of your life to experience happiness or joy.
You’re not alone!
Many of the hundreds of leaders and execs I’ve met over the past 20 years are in what I would call a low-grade misery trance. They either don’t recall how to enjoy their work, or they don’t feel like it’s an option for them anymore. They’ve just accepted that work sucks and you have to grin and bear it.
Reading this you may wonder how many people in their right mind would stay in a job or work situation if it made them feel like this. Well, I gotta tell you, the number’s a lot higher than you think. And this is especially true for younger generations. Recent research found that only 57% of workers under 25 are satisfied with their jobs, compared to 72% of workers over 55. The misery trance starts young.
Surprisingly, many people aren’t aware of how unsatisfied they are because they are so used to it! They just can’t seem to remember the last time they had fun at work or weren’t stressed out all the time.
If this is the case, there seem to be two primary outcomes: 1) You stay in the misery trance until you retire. 2) You wake up to the fact that you’re suffering unnecessarily. Spoiler Alert - #2 is ultimately better and harder to walk through initially.
There are many ways to “wake up” and course correct into spending this precious third of your life in a way that aligns with your values and preferences. Get a coach, start a mindfulness practice, see a therapist, find a friend who will shoot you straight (with kindness and compassion), etc.
If you’ve been around here for long you’ll know that I’m a big advocate of having a mindfulness practice. Not only is there enough evidence based research to back up all the benefits, but my personal experience is that it has given me more clarity in my thinking than anything I’ve ever tried.
Pay attention to your mood. Listen to your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your jaw always locked and tight feeling? Are your eyes always narrowed and your brow furrowed? Is your stomach in knots or do you eat Tums like candy?
If so, you may be unhappy with your work and you don’t have to live your life this way. There are other ways to earn a living that don’t wreak havoc on your body and mind in these ways.
The misery trance is inherently dangerous for the very reason that it persists right below the level of consciousness. If you’re in a particularly tough job or toxic environment you can forget what normal feels like. Being stressed out all the time is normalized by your colleagues.
I’ve worked with several execs and leaders who spent decades in this trance. If that sounds like it’s hitting close to home, I’ve got a solution for you.
Try This Week
Sit down with paper and pen, set a timer for 30 minutes, and answer some of the following prompts:
- Am I stressed/scared/angry about work more than 30% of the time?
- Do I anxiously think about work and co-workers in the hours when I’m not at work?
- Do I constantly replay work conversations in my head? Often rewriting the script so that I “win” the conversation?
- Do I gossip about my boss or other co-workers?
- Do I feel physically exhausted after every day of work?
- If I took my salary and divided it by the number of hours that I truly work, is this work worth my time?
- Sitting with the clear understanding that life is finite, and I will definitely die, is this how I want to spend my time?
After answering some of these prompts, you should have a more clear understanding of how you really feel about your work. If you answered “no” to most of these questions, then you are likely just fine and not in the misery trance.
If you answered yes to 3 or more, here’s what to do next:
- Schedule a 1-hour session with a coach, therapist, or trusted mentor to talk through your answers.
- Block 15 minutes every morning this week to sit quietly and notice how your body feels before work. Get curious about what comes up.
- Write down three non-negotiables for your next role (or current role if you’re staying).
This Quarter:
- If you’re staying: Have one honest conversation with your boss about what needs to change
- If you’re leaving: Send your résumé to 5 people in your network who work somewhere that doesn’t operate in crisis mode