For the first few years I was a leader in the corporate world, I constantly felt like I was a kid wearing his dad's suit. Monday morning meetings in the big fancy conference room created a sense of anxiety in me that I'm sure was evident to everyone there. I had no idea how I had earned that seat and was just waiting for the moment when everyone realized I wasn't supposed to be there.
The problem was that even though I was a new leader in the corporate world, I had a good idea what I was doing. I'd had several years of experience and had been running a small team for years. It was just in a new environment.
The real issue is that I was working on an old story about who I was in the world.
As a coach, I regularly see this same dynamic at play in my clients. I work with so many people who are operating on an outdated version of who they are (or of how they show up in the world).
- Leaders who still see themselves as just another employee.
- Business owners who still charge the same prices they did when they were fresh out of school.
- Experts who still explain their reasoning like they're trying to earn a seat at the table they've had for years.
- People who still say yes to everything the way they did when they were building the business they've been running for over a decade.
These symptoms are totally common when we don't have a more current perspective about who we are. About what we're capable of. About the value we bring to the table.
So how do we gain a better understanding of who we are in this present moment, when we can't see it clearly ourselves?
One way is to simply ask others. We almost never see ourselves in the same light our friends and colleagues see us.
I'm often blown away when a friend or colleague says something about me or my work that I can't see myself. And on the flip side, when I hear those same friends or colleagues refer to themselves in some way that feels less than what I observe, I feel compelled to reflect back what I see in them.
Just reach out to a trusted friend or colleague and ask: Hey, when I'm at my best, what do you observe?
Another way to gain proper perspective is to look in the mirror and remind yourself of who you really are.
Something along the lines of…
- I've got over a decade of experience doing this work.
- I've had over 300 clients who give me great feedback and testimonials.
- I get rehired often by clients who love what I do.
- I reinvest in myself and my growth so I can keep evolving and getting better.
- I take great care of myself so I can do my job to the very best of my ability.
When I was that 30-year-old in corporate America, my colleagues were all just waiting for me to show up in the way they knew I was capable of. They were operating on a current understanding of who I was. I was the only one still working from the old story of who I used to be.
You get the drift. Taking a moment to remind yourself of the facts, so you can avoid getting lost in the old, antiquated story of who you used to be, will increase your self-confidence and give you access to the highest version of yourself.
This isn't some rah-rah self-cheerleading bullshit. This is an honest look at the facts of who you are in this moment. Delusional is a strong word. But it accurately describes our state when we're operating from an old story about who we are in the world.
Update that shit.